This is what I think the statement will say when the committee releases its decision at the January 31 meeting:
The Federal Open Market Committee decided today to raise its target for the federal funds rate by 2,500 basis points to 29 percent. We also sent $1.5 Trillion into the US money supply, so the increase won’t matter anyway.
Despite elevated milk prices and the fact that Bree on Desperate Housewives is on drinking binge, the expansion in economic activity in Turkmenistan appears solid. Core inflation has stayed relatively low in recent months, unless you happen to have bought any gasoline or ever turned on the heating in your house. Longer-term inflation expectations remain contained; at least that’s what our imaginary friend Aloysius Snuffleupagus says. Nevertheless, our ridiculous increases in the M3 money supply have the potential to add to inflation pressures.
The Committee is wondering where Alan went. If anyone sees him, will they let him know that we had a meeting today and he didn’t show up? We think that some further measured policy firming is likely to be needed to keep the risks to the attainment of both sustainable economic growth and price stability roughly in balance, but we’re not sure without Alan here. In any event, the Committee will respond to changes in economic prospects by continuing to print US Dollars in enormous quantities. In March, we’ll stop publishing information about the broad US money supply so we can keep from you the fact that we are creating huge pools of liquidity to prevent a recession, but all this is going to do is create massive inflation. And there is not a damned thing that you can do about it.
Except, of course, buy gold.
